I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
