Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
