i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
