Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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