So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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