Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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