Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Your penis caused this!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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