im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
