My hand turned me down
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize