i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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