im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
