If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
be right there i have to get my cape
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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