do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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