when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
