happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
