The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
