She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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