just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
