i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
