I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
