We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
