How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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