i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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