Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
