Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
