Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
