The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
