There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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