Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
