this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
