I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
