Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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