The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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