Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
