Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
