Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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