Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize