I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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