the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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