we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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