there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
