Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
so that wasnt chicken after all
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Someone shit on the floor
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
