Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
