I will die if light touches me.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
