The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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