did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
