you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
