Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
