just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
