dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
