i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
