what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
