Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
