i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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