did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
