I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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