OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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