cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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