there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
