I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
