I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
