That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
