She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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