i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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